The "Freebie List"

"Rachel: Alright, let me see. Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and... Dorothy Hammill?
Ross: Hey, it's my list.
Rachel: Okay, honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice."

A few nights ago, J and I were watching old Friends reruns. Funny how, at the time, they were so super cool. But looking back?  I can't believe I ever wanted to dress like Rachel or have Monica's short black hair.  

I digress.

So it was the "Freebie List" episode, where they all consider what five celebrities would be on their "freebie list" ~  five people they can sleep with without anyone getting upset.  And remember?  Ross finally gets his list finalized by eliminating Isabella Rossellini... then he bumps into her. Classic.

J and I got to talking about who would be on our lists. J's included Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Eva Mendes. It was almost scary how fast he came up with his list.

Let me tell you, it was freakin' hard to decide for mine. I kept putting someone on my list. Taking them off. Switching them out for someone else. Putting them back on.  But I finally got it narrowed down:  Jason Whitten, Adam Sandler, David Boreanaz, Leonardo DiCaprio and, of course, Brad Pitt.

"Adam Sandler?  Really?" remarked J. "Wow, that makes me feel better."

"Why?"

"Because he's a goofy bastard, like me."


I didn't even ask if I was supposed to feel worse because none of the girls he chose are remotely close to me. Except maybe Anne Hathaway -- we have the same color hair. And I'm sure she has 10 toes?

Change

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." ~ Arnold Bennett

I'm lagging behind, I know. But that's okay for now. So much to do, so little time. But I finally feel like I'm in a place to start pulling it all together. Maybe. 

Maybe if I discard the notion that everything has to be perfect, it would be easier to start. Story of my life!  Will say, though, that I hate every time I log in to start a post, it seems Blogger is different. I fear change. Okay, not really. But it's confusing the hell out of me!

Kids & Dreams

Sometimes I like chick tv. The Bachelor? Not so much. But So You Think You Can Dance? Love it. I usually can't remember what day it comes on, but I'm glued to the tv when I find it. I could totally do without the fluff and some of the slow stuff though. 


Anyway, my friend T and I went to a live show when they toured near Dallas a few seasons ago. The set up was a little cheesy, and not sure why I thought the hostess would actually be there, but the performances were awesome. And, the people watching? Even better. We sat next to a married couple, and the guy knew every dance. Not the wife, the husband.  And he cried several times. Sure, guys can be sensitive and emotional. But I think there's a closet somewhere with his name on it.  


And there was a mom and daughter sitting in front of us.  The daughter ~ probably middle-school aged at most ~ went on and on about how beautiful the dancers were, how she wanted to be like Lauren (that season's winner), how she wanted to dance, on and on and on. Finally, during the intermission, the mom looked at her doe-eyed daughter and matter-of-factly said, "It's too much work. You can't do that."  


T and I just looked at each other, stunned. The girl looked so crushed, I wanted to reach out and give her a hug and some words of encouragement. I waited for the mom to say something, anything else, but she never did. The girl sat through the rest of the performance like an icicle -- still, cold, unexcited. 


I couldn't believe it. Sure, the chances of her actually becoming a professional dancer are probably slim to none, but somebody has to be, so why not her? Why not encourage her to be excited about dance, an artform that celebrates the beauty of the body, that relies on being healthy and strong, that communicates a message of strength and grace to those watching? Why not get her excited about something that could help her through the awkward teen years, give her meaning in life, help her avoid the pitfalls so many fall into. Why not use it as leverage to keep her grades up, as an extracurricular to keep her busy and a means into college?  What is SO important in her life that she doesn't have room for a dream?  


I made a vow that day to never cause that pain in my child. Sure, if Baby decides that picking gum off the sidewalk is his dream in life, I may have to re-direct him. But I hope I never cause the hurt I saw in that little girl's eyes. Far-fetched dreams are better than none at all, right?

Bored + Giveaway

Baby's asleep, hubs is watching a movie and I'm kind of bored. So it was either post something or wash bottles... yep, so what to write about?  I was thinking I might host a giveaway of some sort. You know, to attract a little attention, pull a new face or two in, kick this party up a notch. Not sure what it will be yet ~ something small, probably not very cool. Or it could be reallly cool. Who knows?  I figure I've got some time to work out the details. Because I'll host it when {should I say "if"?} I reach 100 followers.  Hmmmm, yeah, I've got a ways to go...


Until then, I'll think of some things to ramble about. And give some hints as to the prize, perhaps?

Blah Blah Blah

Wow, I'm not doing so well with this "getting back to blogging" thing. I do try... or, at least, I do think about it. I actually have another blog out there that I keep going with home decor stuff, but it's kind of boring me.  That, and I haven't been spending a ton of money decorating since I quit my job, so... guess that brings me back here? I'm sure I'll repeat myself several times as I can't remember what I've already blogged about.


Guess I can also blame Pinterest for stealing my free time. And, is it possible that I've also become more lazy since having a baby? Perhaps. 


So tell your friends -- if they need something to read to help them fall asleep, this blog just might be the answer!

Irrational Fear

"Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking, 'I'm gonna ki... ahh damn! She's under a blanket.'" ~ 9gag.com


J's been in Vegas this past week for work. So, baby and I had a LOT of time to bond.  At six months now, he's quite the squirmy little guy -- sit up, lay down, roll over, help stand, pet the dogs, throw the toys... not crawling, barely sitting and quite the squealer.  

I was dreading this week, but it went more smoothly than I could have ever thought possible. The worst part was after baby went to bed, sitting in this empty house allll alone, listening to every creak and wondering which door the {insert zombie, alien, axe murderer} would try to barge through. Yeah, so I have an over-active imagination.  

At some point I have to dig out my big girl panties so I don't pass my irrational fears onto baby. Which is definitely something I worry about.  All the time.  I sometimes think, "How did I get this way?" It cracks J up when I hear something outside in the middle of the night, and scooch closer to him or get up to lock the bedroom door. It's not like I watched a ton of scary tv when I was a kid.  Though, I do recall watching Poltergeist and X-Files. But other than that, it was all sunshine and rainbows.  

Maybe my parents just never taught me how to rationally deal with fear.  It was always, "That's silly, don't worry about that" or "That'll never happen" or "It's fake".  Fear was swept under the rug.  Feelings weren't dealt with, just told to go away.  I think I want to teach my boy that, while it might be silly to fear a certain something, here are some steps you can take to overcome that fear.  Or to help you deal with what you're feeling even if no one else understands. And if something terrible does happen, that I'll be there, fighting tooth and nail to protect him.  

Otherwise, he'll be 31 years old, hiding under the covers with all the lights on, the alarm set, the bedroom door locked, clutching his cell phone and wondering if he should turn on the news just incase something has come to over-take the world.

Not that that's what I've been doing the past few nights or anything...

Catching Up

Seems like life has been a whirlwind since my last real post in August of 2010:

• Road trip to Galveston with J
• Floated the Comal River with friends
• Had a little Cali adventure
• Celebrated 30th birthdays
• Got pregnant
• Watched J survive two layoffs with his company
• Had a beautiful baby boy
• Tried balancing working from home & taking care of Baby
• Almost got canned myself
• Quit my job

Guess that's about it in a {really big} nutshell. I feel like I'm finally starting to unwind a bit, and finally getting to enjoy Baby (and life) without the added stress of trying to juggle a conference call with a blowout diaper.  And a stressed out husband.  And a messy house.

So many stories, so little time.  Oh, wait.  Now that I'm a "Domestic Engineer" {ahem}, maybe I finally do have time.  

Whoop whoop!

Hello There

Testing, 1..2..3... Testing... Is this thing on?

Yep, I've decided to dust this thing off again. So many exciting changes since I last blogged. So many funny stories.  So many things I just need to empty out of my brain.  I'm sure that fly on the wall over there will be the only one reading this... ugh, he flew off.  Guess I'm just talking to myself now. 

Anyway.

I'm back!

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

"The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving any excuse." ~ Jules Renard

My neighbors -- the Spastics -- have been itching to have us over for dinner again soon.  Which has sent us into jump-in-the-car before they see us mode.  Not that I don't enjoy them as neighbors, it's just that their kids are a tad bit exhausting.  Or overwhelming.  Maybe both?

My heart goes out to them for being neighborly, and they're good people.  But after the first experience?  I'm a little hesitant.  You can read about it here.  

A Little of This, a Little of That

"The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up." ~ Anonymous

Well, I thought since it's been awhile, I'd catch up my old readers (bless you guys for sticking around!) and lay the foundation for new readers about what's been up lately.

I'll skip the boring, mundane diatribe about work. Still consulting. Blah.

Enjoying the new house. Though, now that we've been here almost two years, we're realizing how stupid we were to jump into 3000 sq feet. For two people. And two {crazy} dogs. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a bargain. Though I do miss the coziness of our old house, I don't miss the ghetto neighbors.

What else? Oh. I want a baby. Yeah, one of those crying, drooling, pooping messes that can turn your whole life around. Yep, one please. And the sooner? The better. We've been trying for about a year now. Thanks to some minor setbacks -- miscarriage included -- I find myself becoming slighting discouraged, slightly scared to try again. But that's a whoooole other post.

My friends are keeping me sane. Well, a couple are driving me crazy, but in general my life revolves around them. They're like my second family -- sometimes I wish they'd adopt me. As for my hubby's family? Sometimes I wish they'd just leave me alone. I'm just serious ... I mean kidding. Okay, maybe if his mother would just leave me alone, then I'd be golden. Even those stories are worth their own post. Someday.

I'm in the last few months of my twenties. I'm not nervous about it yet. I'm still not sure it'll feel any different than how I feel now. I mean, it's not like I'm 25 anymore. *sigh* To be 25 again. Now that was a sweet age. My favorite {so far} for soo many different reasons.

Anyway, that's about it. I'm sure everything else will reveal itself in due time...

I'm Back... I Think?

Hi. Hello. *blowing dust of the computer keys* Wow, it's been awhile! I know, I abandoned this baby awhile back. Like eons ago. But now? I think I want to come back. At least occasionally. Or sporadically. Or maybe a lot?

Guess I'll let life be the judge of that...

Pee-rivacy

"The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom." ~ Anonymous

Some days you wake up and you think the day is going to be awesome. Other days you wake up, step in cat vomit, and just know that it's only going downhill from there.

I was supposed to meet J for lunch at noon. When 12:20 rolled around and I was STILL stuck in my meeting, I texted him under the desk and told him to go ahead and order. Fifteen minutes later I drove like a banshee to the sandwich shop, only to find him still in line.

I motioned to him that I was going to make a pit stop and made my way through the crowded tables to the restroom. Now, instead of having a separate hall leading to the bathrooms, this place had a single men's door and a single women's door, right off the dining area. I knocked, entered and locked the door.

Sitting peacefully and wondering why I drank three sodas and a bottle of water this morning, the heavy door flew open. An older blonde lady -- apparently even more surprised than I was -- screamed bloody murder, causing everyone in the sub shop to look in our direction. Like a deer in headlights, I froze. After what seemed like an eternity, the door slammed shut.

Mortified, I finished my business, washed my hands and silently hoped a window would appear so that I could crawl my way out. No such luck. I opened the door to find the lady there. "Sweetie! I'm sorry but you should have locked the door!". I warned her that is was broken, as every eye in the place was stuck in our direction.

Even though it was colder than hell, I made J sit outside. Of course, he couldn't stop laughing. "It could have been worse", he joked, "at least you weren't taking a dump."

Way to see the positive, J.

An Escape

Wow, it's been awhile ... and no telling how many posts I've started like that either. But, I truly do miss utilizing this outlet to escape the mundane or to share the embarrassing moments that seem to follow me around on a daily basis. Besides, I miss reading your blogs, too.

So, for 2010? More blogging. And less procrastinating. Ahh, the story of my life ...

My Big Mouth

Getty didn't call.

And I should have left it alone ... but didn't. I sent him a text late Tuesday night, "Glad I didn't hold my breath". Why? I'm not sure. Maybe I was upset because I reached out and he took it to the level of wanting to call. Maybe I just hate being blown off.

Two in the morning I get a reply. "I'm sooo sorry. Can I call u now?"

Are you kidding? I told him I was asleep, that I'd talk to him later. He called twice yesterday, though I didn't answer. I'll call him back today, though now I'm kind of over the whole thing.

Just wanted my friend back, not all the drama that I can foresee coming with it.

Lighter post tomorrow, I promise :).

Blame It on the Beer

"Every path hath a puddle." ~ George Herbert, 'Jacula Prudentum'

Yesterday I met my girl Goldie for drinks at our usual spot in town. She and I get along very well, but it's a rare treat to get to hang out with her without the spouses around. We talked for hours over cold beer and pizza, watching the sun set as our happy hour turned into an all-nighter. It was nice to finally open up to her, and I could tell she felt the same way. We chatted about everything, from old boyfriends to current inlaws, and never skipped a beat.

I was in a slightly reminiscent -- and slightly intoxicated -- state when we finally left. Driving down the toll road, my mind began to wander back through our conversations, back to when we were swapping old boyfriend stories. I don't know if it was the song on the radio, my restless feelings for new adventures or the beer, but I had the sudden urge to reach out to an old friend / boyfriend of mine from years ago.

I met Getty through my sister before I graduated highschool. Long story short, we were fast friends, then dated, and when it didn't work out we became best friends. On occasion, when we'd both find ourselves single, our friendship went to the next level. To me, he's always been a part of my life as a dear friend. In his eyes, however, it was always soo much more. I guess I always knew that, just refused to see it. Getty always thought he and I would end up married, and has never approved of my boyfriends, especially J.

J and Getty don't really get along. Which is one reason Getty and I haven't really talked since I got married three years ago. The other reason being J knowing his feelings for me -- and I can totally understand why he's uncomfortable with that.

I ran into Getty at a ballgame early last year, and it was honestly nice to see him. And that was the last time I'd talked to him. Until last night.

I quickly texted a simple "I miss you". I just wanted him to know that I still think about him and hope he's doing well. As a friend. I didn't expect a reply.

Later, as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed I had a new text. "I miss u too, Iz. Can I call u tomorrow?"

Dang it. Can open, worms everywhere. I should have known a simple text wouldn't be enough. But what's the harm in one phone call, right?

Case of the Mondays ... er, Tuesdays

For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe it's because I didn't get anything accomplished yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm getting a little bored in my job, and all the days seem like a "blah" day.

I'm trying sooo hard not to get burnt out at work. I couldn't ask for anything more -- great pay, flexible schedule, cool boss. But is that enough? Here lately, I've been craving something new, something more creative, something that might make a difference is this ginormous world.

Right now I'm supposed to be creating a 12-hour training class. But, instead, I'm sitting on the comfy leather couch at Legacy Books, sipping on a cold Diet Coke and blogging. Because I just can't find the darn motivation to get crackin' on my presentation. Seems like the story of my life here lately.

I've been at this job for almost two years now -- which is amazing considering I usually change jobs like I change shoes. Guess I'm just itching for something different.

But what?

Defining Moments

"Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." ~ Author Unknown

The other night, J and I nestled onto the couch and finally watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you watch it. It's a little weird. It's a little sad. It's a little long.

But it awakened something in me that I hadn't felt in awhile. That desire to live life without apology, to seek out what makes your soul truly happy, to find the courage to overcome the staleness in life and do something. It reminded me to not let go of who I once was and what once brought joy to my life. That age doesn't matter -- it's how you feel that defines who you are.

It may sound like the same ol' "seize the day" mantra that seems to flow superficially through life. But it is so much more than that, at least to me. There is soo much out there that I would love to do, love to experience. Why should I settle into a mediocre pattern in, well, Dullsville?

Doesn't matter who you are or where you are in life, you have the power to change it. To grasp that piece of this world that you cannot live without. New places, new faces -- I crave something to break this cycle of boredom that I seem to be stuck in. I methodically awaken each morning, dress, work, go through the paces of life. I just know there is soo much more to experience than I have been.

What happened to the girl who dreamed of living outside of her small world, taking every opportunity to learn, to experience, to see with her own eyes what others only read about? Still dreaming. Still waiting.

I leave you with my favorite passage from the movie -- read it, grasp it, live it. I know I'm going to try.

"It's never too late or ... too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Hump Day

"The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished." ~ Author Unknown

Maybe because it's Hump Day, but I have the F-its weighing me down heavily. Soo much to get done, soo little care to do it. Think instead I'll turn my "To Do" list into my "I Don't Want To" list ... at least until tomorrow.

1. Clean the litter box
2. Fold laundry
3. Run
4. Finish my presentation for work
5. Bathe the dogs
6. Pay the mortgage
7. Schedule a dentist appointment
8. Call the water sprinkler repair guy
9. Shower

Hope you guys have more motivation today than I do!

Wishlist

With the temps in the 100s here lately, I'm soo ready for fall and everything that comes with it. Including cute boots. Found these vintage beauties on Etsy yesterday. If only they were my size ...

Feeding Time

"Mother knows breast." ~ Author Unknown

I'm giving up on the template for this darn thing ... for now, anyway. I'm sad to say that I'm soo glad it's Monday -- this weekend was a complete doozy. J and I were at each other's throats for most of it, and nothing we had planned worked out quite as we'd hoped. Ohwell, we'll survive.

Because neither of us wanted to cook last night and it was already too late to eat anywhere decent, we found ourselves at Taco Cabana for dinner. Now, I'm a big fan of Taco C, but the people there never cease to amaze / entertain / scare the living crap out of / surprise me. Depends on the day. And last night was no exception.

Inside was freezing so we decided to sit on the small patio. J went inside to wait on the food, while I absentmindly began wiping dried guacamole off the table. Two young ladies -- maybe in their mid twenties -- were sitting at the next table. One had a boy about seven, the other had a baby in a carrier. I tried to drown out the boy's shouting by staring at the passing cars.

I heard one lady say something about feeding the baby. A few moments later I happened to look over, and noticed she was holding the baby against her with one arm and eating queso with the other. It took me a minute to realize that she wasn't holding a bottle for baby. She was breastfeeding. With no blanket. On the patio. While people were eating at tables all around them.

I must have had a sour look on my face when J came outside with the food. Thankfully, he blocked my view. I just couldn't believe it -- breastfeeding in a restaurant?? Sure, we were at a fast-food joint, but still. Have a little respect for those dining around you. Use a bottle, feed in the car, at least don't sit facing the door to the inside where everyone can see you.

Am I wrong to be disgusted?