Friday, February 3, 2012

Irrational Fear

"Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking, 'I'm gonna ki... ahh damn! She's under a blanket.'" ~

J's been in Vegas this past week for work. So, baby and I had a LOT of time to bond.  At six months now, he's quite the squirmy little guy -- sit up, lay down, roll over, help stand, pet the dogs, throw the toys... not crawling, barely sitting and quite the squealer.  

I was dreading this week, but it went more smoothly than I could have ever thought possible. The worst part was after baby went to bed, sitting in this empty house allll alone, listening to every creak and wondering which door the {insert zombie, alien, axe murderer} would try to barge through. Yeah, so I have an over-active imagination.  

At some point I have to dig out my big girl panties so I don't pass my irrational fears onto baby. Which is definitely something I worry about.  All the time.  I sometimes think, "How did I get this way?" It cracks J up when I hear something outside in the middle of the night, and scooch closer to him or get up to lock the bedroom door. It's not like I watched a ton of scary tv when I was a kid.  Though, I do recall watching Poltergeist and X-Files. But other than that, it was all sunshine and rainbows.  

Maybe my parents just never taught me how to rationally deal with fear.  It was always, "That's silly, don't worry about that" or "That'll never happen" or "It's fake".  Fear was swept under the rug.  Feelings weren't dealt with, just told to go away.  I think I want to teach my boy that, while it might be silly to fear a certain something, here are some steps you can take to overcome that fear.  Or to help you deal with what you're feeling even if no one else understands. And if something terrible does happen, that I'll be there, fighting tooth and nail to protect him.  

Otherwise, he'll be 31 years old, hiding under the covers with all the lights on, the alarm set, the bedroom door locked, clutching his cell phone and wondering if he should turn on the news just incase something has come to over-take the world.

Not that that's what I've been doing the past few nights or anything...