Biggest Whiner

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.” ~ Anthony J. D'Angelo

Guess it's been a few weeks since my last post. The ice is starting to come down outside, the quiet tapping on the windows lulling me to go to sleep.

J's upstairs watching some import car show. You might think it sounds halfway entertaining, but it is so completely ghetto. I must say that I don't get the whole drifting bit at all. But whatever.

For you Biggest Loser fans, I must admit I did shed some tears tonight. It really is amazing what these people are going through, the families they've left back home, how hard it must be to confront their own reality. I won't spoil anything for those of you who haven't watched yet, but it truly sheds some perspective on my own whining.

When I don't feel like getting up to run, or feel like eating breakfast, or when I think "5 cookies won't set me back any," I need to take a giant leap back and think about my goals. What do I want? Cookies or to run a marathon? The answer should be clear. And it baffles me sometimes when it's not.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some cookies and will always splurge. But today? I've sat on my butt in my sweatpants, eating pizza and cookies, using the weather outside as an excuse. And it's a pretty bad one considering the number of workout DVDs I own or the weight machine upstairs. Treats should be treats. Otherwise, they lose their glamour and become tokens of remorse.

And treats should never be remorseful. *Trading in my glass of soda for water.* I have 65 days until my marathon, and I need to stop whining and start focusing on my goals.

Thanks for letting me vent :-).

Case of the Bulge

“A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.” ~ Lillian Day

I'm curled in my chair upstairs with a super warm Restoration Hardware blanket and my fuzzy slippers, trying to keep warm. One thing we've discovered about our new house is that it stays about as warm as a glacier in the Arctic Ocean, especially when it's 30 degrees outside like it is right now.

So J and I have been spending as much time upstairs as possible, following the whole "heat rises" theory. Mom even stocked us up on flannel sheets and fuzzy pjs for Christmas. Wonder if I can pawn those to help pay the gas bill?

I'm kind of dreading my Team run tomorrow night -- hopefully the wind and freezing rain will hold off for an hour. At least my Team run last Saturday was warm. And it had a slightly humorous start.

When the alarm went off at 5:45, I rolled out of bed, groggily made my way to the dryer to pull out some clean running pants, quickly dressed in the dark and hit the road. Hungry, I decided to stop at a gas station to get a Powerbar and some water.

As I was walking in the door I felt a bulge on my lower left leg. Irritated, I kept shaking my leg as I made my way to the Powerbars. I finally looked down to see a soft bulge sticking through my pant leg. What the hell? I grabbed a couple bottles of water and turned towards the front of the small store. Hands full of fake chocolate bars and bottled water, I gave my leg a final shake. And out flew a bright purple thong.

I guess it had gotten caught in my pant leg during the tumble in the dryer. I quickly sprang for the thong and -- not having any pockets or a purse -- relentlessly began shoving it back up my pant leg while trying to juggle my purchases. I caught the stare of the store clerk as I made my way to checkout. Judging by the size of her grin, I'm sure she was trying to decide whether I was a street hooker or just starting my walk of shame.

Blushing, I didn't bother to explain -- my mismatched outfit and raccoon eyes were sure to betray the truth. The plus side? At least I didn't have to dig for clean undies when I got home!

Mix-Matched Feet

I've been telling J over the last year that my left foot is smaller than my right foot. He thinks I'm crazy. "Maybe your left shoe is just bigger than your right one and that's why it flops around," he says smugly. But seriously, in all of my shoes? What are the odds of that happening?

I got my answer yesterday when I went to Run On to get fitted for new running shoes. After the sales guy had me jog around the store in my pink socks to check my form, he had me stand on a metal shoe ruler to measure my feet. And there it was. The proof. My right foot stuck out farther than my left.

And don't you know I rubbed it into J's face when I got home. His response? "I'm not surprised, you're not normal."

But who cares, I'm right. :-)

An Extra Hour for More Rambles

"Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed." ~ Unknown

Day Light Savings Time confuses me. I'm not really sure what time it is right now -- cell phone says 10, computer says 9, microwave says 8. Regardless, I'm actually up, showered, dressed and fed before noon on a Sunday. Can we say miracle?

Halloween was fairly uneventful. We had soo many trick-o-treaters that we ran out of candy.* I did have the liberty of scaring the pants off a small child with J's Scream mask. J was more interested in watching Ghost Hunters Live** than passing out candy, so I thought I would put the freaky mask to use. Door bell rings, I open the door and all the little kids scream. The boy in front? Was like two and ran off crying before his parents caught him on the driveway. I yanked off the mask and profusely apologized to his disapproving parents while forking over extra candy. J, of course, was hysterical.

Moving right along ...

Yesterday I had my first team run with Team In Training for the marathon I'm doing in April. I am soo not a morning person, yet I managed to roll out of bed at 5:45, was at training by 6:20 and running two miles by 6:30. Luckily it was dark so people couldn't see my butt jiggling through my Spandex pants. I was a little frustrated at first as everyone kept passing me. I quickly got over it and actually finished faster than my two mile runs during the week. I felt accomplished and rewarded myself with a huge omelet from Cafe Brazil. Hey, a girl's got to eat, right?

Today J and I are playing paintball with our friend Goldie and her hubby Bear. Should be quite entertaining -- last time we played with them, Goldie shot Bear in the ear on accident after he'd taken off his mask. It's not true paintballing until there's blood shed!



*I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that J and I ate two bags of Kit Kats during the week.
**Which was actually very disappointing this year!

Team In Training

"The people I’ve met through Team In Training have been some of the most compassionate, kind, strong, and dedicated people that have ever crossed my path. Some are survivors like me and our bond was immediate – and is for life. But survivor or not, we’re all united by the common goal of wanting to find a cure for cancer." ~ Natasha Wieschenber, Triathelete and Cancer Survivor




I did it. Last night I went to a Team In Training informational meeting and committed to running 26.2 miles on behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in the Big D Marathon in Dallas.


This won't be my first marathon -- I ran ... er, hobbled ... the Cowtown Marathon in Ft Worth. But that was eight years ago, and I've eaten a lot and have broken in a few couches since then.


The Big D will be different for many reasons. This time I'm running for a greater cause: to help find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma. I'm running to help improve the lives of blood cancer patients and their families. I'm running for our Team Hero, a cancer survivor who we'll get to meet at the next meeting.


I'm excited. After I got home last night, J and I jogged around the neighborhood. Side cramps and numb feet aside, it felt good. It's nice to have something to strive for, a goal to reach, a cause to dedicate yourself to. In a way, a sense of purpose.

Finding Purpose

"One needs something to believe in, something for which one can have whole-hearted enthusiasm. One needs to feel that one's life has meaning, that one is needed in this world." ~ Hannah Senesh


To finish my thoughts from last weekend on life, loss and finding purpose, the drive back from the funeral last Friday was a long and quiet one as I tried to turn over every rock of life in my head.

I slept little, clutching J tightly in an effort to find comfort. I had a charity 5k for a friend of mine Saturday morning. I awoke before the sun, drove an hour and a half to Fort Worth, and began to realize life's full potential.

I arrived at the walk early so I u-turned and stopped by a Starbucks I had seen along the way. I usually will not go anywhere in public wearing cotton stretch pants but decided life was too short to worry about it. Eight dollars later I was back on the road and parked at the walk.

I called a few of my teammates to see if anyone else had yet arrived. I decided not to cower in the parking lot and walked by myself down the road to the registration tents and starting line. There I ran into an old friend of mine Panda, who I hadn't seen since her horrific car accident two years prior. I can't believe I hadn't made the effort to see how she'd been since then. We talked until our other teammates arrived, all of which I either knew -- or should have known -- in high school and have kept in touch with over the years.

Our team captain was our inspiration. Last year the bouncy blonde was diagnosed with kidney disease and, since the medications aren't working, it looks as if she'll need a kidney transplant in the very near future. We're hoping her younger sister's a match. It was so great to see her. She looked well but tired, and genuinely happy that we were all there to be with her. At the end of the day, her biggest fear isn't her failing kidney -- it's the thought of not being able to have another child. But she smiles through it, knowing that whatever's supposed to happen will.

As I stood amongst our team, catching up with old friends, and as I stood amongst the other participants, all running for their inspirations in the fight against kidney disease, I felt something wash over me. As I looked around, I realized that this was the feeling I've been missing. The need and want to help people. To be there for people. To connect deeply with people. To be needed by people.

I have a bad habit of putting things off, of breaking commitments -- whether to myself or others. Here I've been worried about not accomplishing my dreams in life when all I've really been doing is wasting time. Thinking instead of reacting. Shying away from situations that may be a little uncomfortable when it could be an opportunity to connect with someone or something. Sure, it seems like the same old "live life to the fullest" crap -- but it's the feeling that's different.

After the walk we all went to lunch and sat for two hours chatting, laughing, sharing. We talked about plans for the annual Christmas party that Curly throws at his lake house -- which I've always had an excuse out of because I couldn't find the perfect dress to wear or because I wasn't in the mood to mingle. Not this year. This year I'll be there with bells on. It'll be me in the photos slinging back martinis and dancing with the Christmas tree.

I sat there listening to everyone, realizing how much we've grown since high school years ago -- but also realizing how much we're still the same. It made me think about who else in my life I enjoy having around but have lost contact with. I'm horrible with returning phone calls, so the list grew larger in my mind.

When it was time to go, I was so internally happy. Happy that we were all able to support our team captain and old friend. Happy that our small team was able to raise $1,400 to support the National Kidney Foundation. Happy that I was able to spend time with everyone and reconnect. Happy that I didn't waste another Saturday morning just sleeping.

I checked the mail when I got home and I had received another purple and white brochure from Team In Training, supporting the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I've wanted to complete a marathon with them since college, but had always found an excuse away from it. I checked the box for an informational meeting and set it with the stack of bills to be mailed.

I awoke early Sunday morning, which is a huge feat for me to awaken before 10 any day of the week. But imagine how much more I could accomplish in my day if I got up two or three hours earlier? I poked sleeping J in the stomach and uttered music to his ears: "Take me fishing." He was up in a flash and we stopped by Taco Cabana for a breakfast burrito, hooked up the boat and headed to Lake Grapevine. We each caught three bass, and it felt so great to be on the lake again. During our move over the summer we didn't get too many chances to fish, so it was great to get back out there and soak up nature. And we needed a little "couples therapy."

My attitude all week has been different. I've gotten up early each day (it's actually not as painful as I thought it would be), accomplished several things around the house I've been putting off, got caught up at work, had lunch with an old neighbor, stopped sweating (most) of the small stuff like J leaving his boots in the living room, and actually stopped to talk to a few of the neighbors instead of ducking into my garage like I normally do. And it's been great.

I know I've rambled on in this post, so if you've made it this far then kudos. It's hard to put what I'm feeling into actual words without the true meaning getting lost, but I had to try -- hence the reason this post comes a little late. I urge everyone to think about something in their life that has become habit -- like me sleeping in every morning or truly giving yourself to others -- and change it. There's no telling what you will accomplish, how the feeling of being needed will strike you, what higher purpose your moments on this earth will serve.

The Runner

"Out of the silver heat mirage he ran. The sky burned, and under him the paving was a black mirror reflecting sun-fire. Sweat sprayed his skin with each foot strike so that he ran in a hot mist of his own creation. With each slap on the softened asphalt, his soles absorbed heat that rose through his arches and ankles and the stems of his shins. It was acarnival of pain, but he loved each stride because running distilled him to his essence and the heat hastened this distillation." - James Tabor, from "The Runner"

I made the decision last night that this morning would be the morning that I would start running again. It's been awhile. Not that I've ever been able to run very fast or very far, but I do enjoy it. And my body craves it.

When the alarm blared at 6 this morning, I hit snooze and rolled over, pressing my eyes shut. I remained huddled under my soft covers until I realized that it was taking more energy to force myself back to sleep than to actually get out of bed. Five minutes later I was slipping into my Nikes, strapping on my iPod and slipping out the door.

My feet found an awkward rhythem on the pavement, but I kept going as the sun kissed the neighborhood houses in soft pink and yellow hues. Sweat trickled from my brow, glistened on my arms, my heart pounded in my chest. I huffed and puffed. And I kept going.

Today I didn't make it too far, but the incredible feeling is still with me. And I can't wait for tomorrow morning when I can do it all over again.