Today has been a long day. Not really due to work, more like I just want to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. Last week at work was a doozy, let me tell ya. But today, the minutes have seemed to flow like molasses, a thick oozing of time that won't release my butt from this chair. Or my hands from this keyboard. My eyes from this screen. Tiiiiiiiccckkkk Toooocccck. So to help pass the time that, some day, I'll complain I don't have enough of, I figured I'd write a much delayed blog ...
Hubby and I have decided to buy a boat. Sure, probably an unpractical decision but, if you really know us then you know how much we enjoy hanging out on the water and fishing. We like to call it Couples Therapy, and I HIGHLY recommend it.
For those who know boats, we're thinking of the Stratos 486SF. (If you've heard something terrible about them, please let me know before we sink like the Titanic.) We've done a ton of research and looked at more boats than I truly have patience for, and this "fish and ski" seems like a great compromise for what we both want.
Not that we ski, but it would be nice to have a bigger boat so we can hang out on the lake, have room for company (and the little ones someday). And I wouldn't mind learning to wakeboard, though I've heard it's insanely rough on weak bodies like mine! As long as I have a cup holder for my adult beverage and plenty of room to cast, I'm set.
And I can't tell you how many city slickers tried to sell us floating pieces of rusty crap for almost the same cost of a new boat. FRUSTRATING. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a deep gouge in the bottom of a boat isn't a good thing. Neither are live wells filled with nesting insects. Okay, so that last one is easily fixable with some pesticide and a hose, but I'm not reaching my hand in there.
For once I won't be pasty white all summer. I'll be glowing with skin cancer (but still glowing, nonetheless), cheeks kissed by the sweltering summer sun. And heck –- if I don't catch the 10lb bass of my dreams, I'll just pop a top to a new day …
Friday, May 18, 2007
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
The Wedding
"I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, a church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, he said one that would make me his wife." ~ Author Unknown
The decision to get married in Colorado was a difficult one -- while we loved the notion of a destination-type wedding, we hated the idea of not involving friends and other loved ones. In the end, we opted for the cooler weather and (my) dream wedding in the mountains, and neither would trade it for the world.
On July 25, surrounded by close family and lush mountains, we promised to cherish and love each other for the rest of our lives. As ominous rain clouds hovered in the near distance, we shared our first kiss as husband and wife. Perfection.
The decision to get married in Colorado was a difficult one -- while we loved the notion of a destination-type wedding, we hated the idea of not involving friends and other loved ones. In the end, we opted for the cooler weather and (my) dream wedding in the mountains, and neither would trade it for the world.
On July 25, surrounded by close family and lush mountains, we promised to cherish and love each other for the rest of our lives. As ominous rain clouds hovered in the near distance, we shared our first kiss as husband and wife. Perfection.
Monday, July 3, 2006
17 Days
I'm starting to get ancy, unable to sit still. In 17 days, I'll no longer pull into the all-too-small parking lot here at this ol' building, driving around the half lot looking for a smidge of shade to park under.
I'll no longer have to exchange false small talk and awkward quips on the weather with the lanky guy who works downstairs. A nice guy, but my social skills aren't fully operational anytime before lunch ... or dinner. Maybe I'll run into him again at next year's Wheel of Fortune tryouts.
It's weird to feel like my life and work are entangled in one -- leading to some big changes here in the very near future. It's hard for me to grasp everything that I'm sure is to come, to test the boundaries of the connections that I've made here.
Like a wise woman said to me not so long ago, in 17 days I'll be staring at the rest of my life ...
I'll no longer have to exchange false small talk and awkward quips on the weather with the lanky guy who works downstairs. A nice guy, but my social skills aren't fully operational anytime before lunch ... or dinner. Maybe I'll run into him again at next year's Wheel of Fortune tryouts.
It's weird to feel like my life and work are entangled in one -- leading to some big changes here in the very near future. It's hard for me to grasp everything that I'm sure is to come, to test the boundaries of the connections that I've made here.
Like a wise woman said to me not so long ago, in 17 days I'll be staring at the rest of my life ...
Thursday, June 8, 2006
A New Chapter
So I suppose my departure from this ol' job is now official -- it's funny how things have changed so much since I first started here. If you count the summer I interned, I've almost put two years of my life into this place.
And in those two years, I can honestly say I've grown. Now, I start a new chapter in my life. Between starting a new job, getting married, moving to a new town that's closer to Oklahoma than home -- that's a lot of changes to occur in just two months!
But I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes when I'm at work, I still feel like the college summer intern. For no reasons except my own mind associating the two. And the jeans and flip flops I wear about 60% of the workweek. It'll be an interesting change to go to a more "corporate" environment, where I'll have to re-prove myself, establish new goals, meet new people, wear stockings ...
Scary but exciting. That will be the theme for the next couple of months. I was blessed to have a wonderful job lined up before I even walked the stage at graduation. Now, it's like I'm starting from scratch -- revamping the ol' resume, dusting off the business cards, trying my hand at networking.
And I'm trying to remain focused. I still have clients to attend to and projects to finish. But it's hard not to put all my energy into the next phase of my life. It's amazing how time flies, sometimes slower than you wish it would.
And in those two years, I can honestly say I've grown. Now, I start a new chapter in my life. Between starting a new job, getting married, moving to a new town that's closer to Oklahoma than home -- that's a lot of changes to occur in just two months!
But I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes when I'm at work, I still feel like the college summer intern. For no reasons except my own mind associating the two. And the jeans and flip flops I wear about 60% of the workweek. It'll be an interesting change to go to a more "corporate" environment, where I'll have to re-prove myself, establish new goals, meet new people, wear stockings ...
Scary but exciting. That will be the theme for the next couple of months. I was blessed to have a wonderful job lined up before I even walked the stage at graduation. Now, it's like I'm starting from scratch -- revamping the ol' resume, dusting off the business cards, trying my hand at networking.
And I'm trying to remain focused. I still have clients to attend to and projects to finish. But it's hard not to put all my energy into the next phase of my life. It's amazing how time flies, sometimes slower than you wish it would.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Because Sometimes I Just Can't
Sometimes I just can't waltz into work like a breath of fresh floral air, ready to pounce on whatever lame or ridiculous project that lay before me, product of an outside evil with no sense of real time.
Sometimes I just can't listen to someone else’s issues because I have my own swirling through the undiscovered cave that is my mind.
Sometimes I just can't deal with the people closest to me and their melodramatic way of showing they care. Middle child syndrome can be conditioned to function in line with the rest of the world, and being an immature Mr. Clean does not give you a license to dole out relationship advice. Turn that mop inward, dammit.
Sometimes I just can't keep a straight face, not fall victim to the devil's advocate, keep comments to myself.
Life is frustrating. But even more so when you feel like a Stretch Armstrong doll in the jaws of a pack of wolves. A feeding frenzy of emotion, a roller coaster sickness, a waterfall of tears. It's an amazing thing to feel that much emotion, even for someone else. Someone else who just can't -- can't put any more heart and soul into the wee hours of the day, who just can't seem to move up the wobbly ladder, prove themselves worthy of another slap in the face.
It seems all anyone would have to do is cry uncle, throw up the tattered white flag, turn the table on the shits who put them in the dungeon in the first place. But sometimes, we just can't ...
Sometimes I just can't listen to someone else’s issues because I have my own swirling through the undiscovered cave that is my mind.
Sometimes I just can't deal with the people closest to me and their melodramatic way of showing they care. Middle child syndrome can be conditioned to function in line with the rest of the world, and being an immature Mr. Clean does not give you a license to dole out relationship advice. Turn that mop inward, dammit.
Sometimes I just can't keep a straight face, not fall victim to the devil's advocate, keep comments to myself.
Life is frustrating. But even more so when you feel like a Stretch Armstrong doll in the jaws of a pack of wolves. A feeding frenzy of emotion, a roller coaster sickness, a waterfall of tears. It's an amazing thing to feel that much emotion, even for someone else. Someone else who just can't -- can't put any more heart and soul into the wee hours of the day, who just can't seem to move up the wobbly ladder, prove themselves worthy of another slap in the face.
It seems all anyone would have to do is cry uncle, throw up the tattered white flag, turn the table on the shits who put them in the dungeon in the first place. But sometimes, we just can't ...
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A Crate & Barrel o' Fun
Because time is important and none should fall to waste, I began registering for wedding gifts online today while I had some free time at work. Or more like I didn't really feel like working so I needed something else to occupy my time.
Anyway, as I was surfing through pages of over-priced china, I began to wonder who started this almost-awkward task of listing things you want your guests to buy you because, well, you're getting married so people should feel obligated to get you stuff. It's odd really. Sure, it'd be nice for people to send flowers or whatever as congratulatory offerings, but asking someone to spend 200 bucks on china that they'll more than likely never eat off of? Seems like money could be better spent elsewhere. But where?
So as I began to delete items off the coveted Crate & Barrel registry list that I had so recklessly created, I thought about how nice it would be if weddings weren't soo complicated. If simple meant better. If well wishings equaled Platinum Line Dinnerware.
Now ladies, I too am a hopeless romantic, dreaming of the prince in white armor, fantasizing about a fairytale wedding. Picking out china and fine bed linens used to keep me awake at night with excitement. But then I learned something: anything stamped "wedding" or resembling anything wedding-like automatically ups the price at least 84.9% (a guesstimation, of course).
Even justifying buying fine china for those rare occasions when I'll be serving 8 to 10 guests formerly at the dinner table, using salad plates, dinner plates, soup bowls and the oddly-sized side bowl (and assuming I could slave away in the kitchen long enough to cook more than macaroni & cheese) was difficult:
And just when I thought I'd actually gotten a start on something, I'm back to the drawing board. What do we really need for those, like Grandma, who won't feel right until they've sent their blessings in a beautifully wrapped package with hand-tied bow?
Anyway, as I was surfing through pages of over-priced china, I began to wonder who started this almost-awkward task of listing things you want your guests to buy you because, well, you're getting married so people should feel obligated to get you stuff. It's odd really. Sure, it'd be nice for people to send flowers or whatever as congratulatory offerings, but asking someone to spend 200 bucks on china that they'll more than likely never eat off of? Seems like money could be better spent elsewhere. But where?
So as I began to delete items off the coveted Crate & Barrel registry list that I had so recklessly created, I thought about how nice it would be if weddings weren't soo complicated. If simple meant better. If well wishings equaled Platinum Line Dinnerware.
Now ladies, I too am a hopeless romantic, dreaming of the prince in white armor, fantasizing about a fairytale wedding. Picking out china and fine bed linens used to keep me awake at night with excitement. But then I learned something: anything stamped "wedding" or resembling anything wedding-like automatically ups the price at least 84.9% (a guesstimation, of course).
Even justifying buying fine china for those rare occasions when I'll be serving 8 to 10 guests formerly at the dinner table, using salad plates, dinner plates, soup bowls and the oddly-sized side bowl (and assuming I could slave away in the kitchen long enough to cook more than macaroni & cheese) was difficult:
- Serving friends = alcohol = need for non-breakable dishes
- Pizza requires no formal dinner pieces whatsoever (and hardly a napkin)
- Will the dogs care to lick scraps off china?
And just when I thought I'd actually gotten a start on something, I'm back to the drawing board. What do we really need for those, like Grandma, who won't feel right until they've sent their blessings in a beautifully wrapped package with hand-tied bow?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
A Lot of Nothing
Sometimes I think I tend to set myself up for disappointment, like I want to find something to help me decide one of life's many questions. I find a clue and then I wish I never had. I think a lot of things aren't meant to be seen or read -- life's just supposed to happen, you aren't supposed to know things that happened while you weren't there. You think you want to know, but in reality I know that I don't. Some things are better left unspoken. You just have to take one's word that they're in the right place now, and that's all that matters. I can be understanding only because I know firsthand that things can be taken out of context. That everything happens for a reason, that you can only grow by living life. But I'm tired. I'm tired of dealing with shit (or the pile of crap I dwell on that gets worse the more I think about it), I'm tired of being confused, I'm tired of not knowing. I'm tired of that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, the knot that won't unwind, cheeks wet with tears. I'm too tired to fill in the gaps, to even spell check or re-read these words to see if they make sense. Frankly, I don't care -- I'm supposed to be writing a newsletter that's due tomorrow but instead I'm dwelling on things I can't change. I'm trying to rid my system, flush out the toxic thoughts that just won't leave, that won't allow me peace ... and just when you think the knot's starting to loosen, one glance is all it takes to feel it tighten, to make the insides quiver ...
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