A Lot of Nothing

Sometimes I think I tend to set myself up for disappointment, like I want to find something to help me decide one of life's many questions. I find a clue and then I wish I never had. I think a lot of things aren't meant to be seen or read -- life's just supposed to happen, you aren't supposed to know things that happened while you weren't there. You think you want to know, but in reality I know that I don't. Some things are better left unspoken. You just have to take one's word that they're in the right place now, and that's all that matters. I can be understanding only because I know firsthand that things can be taken out of context. That everything happens for a reason, that you can only grow by living life. But I'm tired. I'm tired of dealing with shit (or the pile of crap I dwell on that gets worse the more I think about it), I'm tired of being confused, I'm tired of not knowing. I'm tired of that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, the knot that won't unwind, cheeks wet with tears. I'm too tired to fill in the gaps, to even spell check or re-read these words to see if they make sense. Frankly, I don't care -- I'm supposed to be writing a newsletter that's due tomorrow but instead I'm dwelling on things I can't change. I'm trying to rid my system, flush out the toxic thoughts that just won't leave, that won't allow me peace ... and just when you think the knot's starting to loosen, one glance is all it takes to feel it tighten, to make the insides quiver ...

(Frost) Bite Me

"Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.'" ~ Robert Byrne

This warm(ish) weather is playing tricks on my mind. I've gotten used to the warm sun shining through the car window, eating Subway in the park, trying on shorts and tees at the mall.

Usually, I love winter. Bundling up in warm coats and fuzzy scarves, cheeks kissed pink by the winter air. Hoping for snow days, and then spending them curled up in cozy pajamas by the fireplace. And the beverage of choice for those cold winter days? Hot chocolate. With fluffy marshmallows and whipped cream, of course.

But this "winter" is different. The warm days have been quite calming, an energizing contrast to a freezing cold office. I don't want to wear the bulky coats. I don't want to mess with the little balls of fuzz my sweaters leave everywhere. I don't want to strangle myself with scarves. I don't care for anymore snow/ice/whatever it is here in Texas and I'd rather my cheeks be kissed golden by the sun.

And Jack Frost -- keep your hot chocolate. I'm holding out for an ice cold pina colada.

The Home of Rainbows

"I have always loved the beach. The smell of the salty water, the wind in my face, the gentle roar of the waves all combine to create a sense of peace and calm." ~ Anonymous

So I'm back from the beautiful garden isle of Kauai. I knew the moment the sun rose on our first day there that it was heaven on earth. I have never been to a place so beautiful, so pristine. The sights, the sounds, the smells -- not too mention the amazing food. My friends and I feasted on some of the best seafood of our lives -- wahoo, hapu'upu'u, crab cakes, crabbed stuffed mushrooms, mai tais and lava flows. My body is now going through pineapple withdraws, too.

Cruising around in my silver convertible, I witnessed rainbow upon rainbow dancing across the lush mountains. It's easy to see why natives call Kauai the home of rainbows! The island is soo free -- not too commercialized or over run by tourists. Endless beaches flow up the east side, with water bluer than the sky.

We found incredible snorkeling on the south shore, with fish of all colors and sizes swirling around us. Urchins filled the tide pools made by protruding lava rocks. And, no joke, even the wild roosters enjoy trekking across the whitesand beaches.

We found a local fishing spot on the west side of the island, Saltpond Park, where we were told was awesome snorkeling. Fifteen minutes in the chilly water, barely able to see 2 feet in front of us due to the incoming tide and setting sun, my friend and I decided we'd take their word for it. Especially when the locals began describing the types of creatures they caught out there.

The fact that we were on vacation didn't seem to phase the weather -- it rained almost everyday, though the clouds would part for awhile in the afternoon. Needless to say, the rain made our Zipline Safari Tour quite the adventure! We kayaked, hiked and ziplined in some of the worst weather possible, making it feel like we were part of the show Lost or Survivor. Our young tour guides pointed out berries and nuts that we could eat, as well as a small purple flower that tasted like mushroom.

And it was amazing the number of stars you could see at night. Thousands of tiny bright lights glowed against the dark sky -- it was simply breathtaking. The whole experience was so incredible that a few of us looked up job openings, toying with the idea of staying through the end of summer, living the life of Blue Crush. Somewhere between eating pineapple cheeseburgers and boarding the cold plane, reality set in.

And now I'm back at the office, bikini and flip flops traded in for pants and heels. Soon the tan will fade and the winter chill will once again take its toll. Ohwell, it was all nice while it lasted ...