Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dear Dell (An Open Letter to My Laptop)

Dear Dell,

I hope this letter finds you relaxed and in a happy place, because what I'm about to say may hurt you deeply. I've been thinking about having an affair. Well, I suppose it's not really an affair if you know about it. So, let's just call it what it is -- I'm leaving you for someone else. Who you ask? Not to sound like a complete slut, but I haven't exactly decided yet. I'm still trying out my options, although your buddy Mac is quite charming.

Calm down, Dell. You've had it coming. You're lazy. You sit on my desk all day, longing for me to use you. And when I do? You give me the cold shoulder. Or, you tease me with your fancy Vista software, only to finish first and completely crash before I can save what I've done. I need to feel satisfied too, you know!

And now ... now you won't even print. Are you mad at me? How am I supposed to accomplish anything if you won't stay connected to the Internet, or download cool and unnecessary applications or -- shocker -- print, for God's sake?!

You're too young to act soo old. You never want to stay up late, you hesitate when I want to serenade you with iTunes, you shudder at YouTube videos. I need someone who likes to have fun. I need to know that the time and money I invested in you was worth it. I need to see something else besides the Blue Screen o' Death.

I'm sorry, Dell. As much as you want to be like Mac, you aren't. And that's okay. There are people out there who will love you for who you are, like the Excel nerd in the cubicle next to mine. The last two years have had it's ups and downs ... let's not drag this out any further. Don't worry about me, Dell, I'll be okay.


P.S. I'll be back to collect my pictures and music ... you can keep the spreadsheets.


~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Love your blog! I left you an award over at my blog!

J said...

Get a mac!!

Mel said...

Dammit. I needed a new laptop, and just ordered a Dell. I needed something cheap, with Word, and wifi.

While I LOVE Macs more than anything, my budget cannot justify the expense right now. *sad face*

I hope my Dell experience (and Vista, eck) is ok.

Mel said...

That has got to be the best "Dear John" letter I've ever read. :)

Me! said...

Don't mean to scare you off Mel -- I'm sure your Dell will be fine (like men, each computer is different!). Just call Dell Support EVERY time something goes wrong with your laptop, big or small. Perhaps you'll be able to catch and fix any glitches before they become major problems. I'm actually having to completely re-install the Operating system on mine, which means I'll be spending the next few nights backing up all of my files! Booooooo! ;-)

Sunny said...

oh, you're such a cruel person. Your laptop must be completly brokenhearted. How dare you to tell it things like that!

P.S Mac rocks! :)

Kristi said...

Love the new blog!

I think I might be the Excel nerd in the cube next to you! My DELL loves me and treats me quite well!

I hope you can soon find a laptop that will treat you right! Life is too short not to have reliable Internet access!!

KayakNej said...

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you two. I'm sure this breakup will allow both of you to live happier lives, separately. :-)