My Big Mouth

Getty didn't call.

And I should have left it alone ... but didn't. I sent him a text late Tuesday night, "Glad I didn't hold my breath". Why? I'm not sure. Maybe I was upset because I reached out and he took it to the level of wanting to call. Maybe I just hate being blown off.

Two in the morning I get a reply. "I'm sooo sorry. Can I call u now?"

Are you kidding? I told him I was asleep, that I'd talk to him later. He called twice yesterday, though I didn't answer. I'll call him back today, though now I'm kind of over the whole thing.

Just wanted my friend back, not all the drama that I can foresee coming with it.

Lighter post tomorrow, I promise :).

Blame It on the Beer

"Every path hath a puddle." ~ George Herbert, 'Jacula Prudentum'

Yesterday I met my girl Goldie for drinks at our usual spot in town. She and I get along very well, but it's a rare treat to get to hang out with her without the spouses around. We talked for hours over cold beer and pizza, watching the sun set as our happy hour turned into an all-nighter. It was nice to finally open up to her, and I could tell she felt the same way. We chatted about everything, from old boyfriends to current inlaws, and never skipped a beat.

I was in a slightly reminiscent -- and slightly intoxicated -- state when we finally left. Driving down the toll road, my mind began to wander back through our conversations, back to when we were swapping old boyfriend stories. I don't know if it was the song on the radio, my restless feelings for new adventures or the beer, but I had the sudden urge to reach out to an old friend / boyfriend of mine from years ago.

I met Getty through my sister before I graduated highschool. Long story short, we were fast friends, then dated, and when it didn't work out we became best friends. On occasion, when we'd both find ourselves single, our friendship went to the next level. To me, he's always been a part of my life as a dear friend. In his eyes, however, it was always soo much more. I guess I always knew that, just refused to see it. Getty always thought he and I would end up married, and has never approved of my boyfriends, especially J.

J and Getty don't really get along. Which is one reason Getty and I haven't really talked since I got married three years ago. The other reason being J knowing his feelings for me -- and I can totally understand why he's uncomfortable with that.

I ran into Getty at a ballgame early last year, and it was honestly nice to see him. And that was the last time I'd talked to him. Until last night.

I quickly texted a simple "I miss you". I just wanted him to know that I still think about him and hope he's doing well. As a friend. I didn't expect a reply.

Later, as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed I had a new text. "I miss u too, Iz. Can I call u tomorrow?"

Dang it. Can open, worms everywhere. I should have known a simple text wouldn't be enough. But what's the harm in one phone call, right?

Case of the Mondays ... er, Tuesdays

For some reason, today feels like Monday. Maybe it's because I didn't get anything accomplished yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm getting a little bored in my job, and all the days seem like a "blah" day.

I'm trying sooo hard not to get burnt out at work. I couldn't ask for anything more -- great pay, flexible schedule, cool boss. But is that enough? Here lately, I've been craving something new, something more creative, something that might make a difference is this ginormous world.

Right now I'm supposed to be creating a 12-hour training class. But, instead, I'm sitting on the comfy leather couch at Legacy Books, sipping on a cold Diet Coke and blogging. Because I just can't find the darn motivation to get crackin' on my presentation. Seems like the story of my life here lately.

I've been at this job for almost two years now -- which is amazing considering I usually change jobs like I change shoes. Guess I'm just itching for something different.

But what?

Defining Moments

"Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." ~ Author Unknown

The other night, J and I nestled onto the couch and finally watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you watch it. It's a little weird. It's a little sad. It's a little long.

But it awakened something in me that I hadn't felt in awhile. That desire to live life without apology, to seek out what makes your soul truly happy, to find the courage to overcome the staleness in life and do something. It reminded me to not let go of who I once was and what once brought joy to my life. That age doesn't matter -- it's how you feel that defines who you are.

It may sound like the same ol' "seize the day" mantra that seems to flow superficially through life. But it is so much more than that, at least to me. There is soo much out there that I would love to do, love to experience. Why should I settle into a mediocre pattern in, well, Dullsville?

Doesn't matter who you are or where you are in life, you have the power to change it. To grasp that piece of this world that you cannot live without. New places, new faces -- I crave something to break this cycle of boredom that I seem to be stuck in. I methodically awaken each morning, dress, work, go through the paces of life. I just know there is soo much more to experience than I have been.

What happened to the girl who dreamed of living outside of her small world, taking every opportunity to learn, to experience, to see with her own eyes what others only read about? Still dreaming. Still waiting.

I leave you with my favorite passage from the movie -- read it, grasp it, live it. I know I'm going to try.

"It's never too late or ... too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Hump Day

"The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished." ~ Author Unknown

Maybe because it's Hump Day, but I have the F-its weighing me down heavily. Soo much to get done, soo little care to do it. Think instead I'll turn my "To Do" list into my "I Don't Want To" list ... at least until tomorrow.

1. Clean the litter box
2. Fold laundry
3. Run
4. Finish my presentation for work
5. Bathe the dogs
6. Pay the mortgage
7. Schedule a dentist appointment
8. Call the water sprinkler repair guy
9. Shower

Hope you guys have more motivation today than I do!

Wishlist

With the temps in the 100s here lately, I'm soo ready for fall and everything that comes with it. Including cute boots. Found these vintage beauties on Etsy yesterday. If only they were my size ...

Feeding Time

"Mother knows breast." ~ Author Unknown

I'm giving up on the template for this darn thing ... for now, anyway. I'm sad to say that I'm soo glad it's Monday -- this weekend was a complete doozy. J and I were at each other's throats for most of it, and nothing we had planned worked out quite as we'd hoped. Ohwell, we'll survive.

Because neither of us wanted to cook last night and it was already too late to eat anywhere decent, we found ourselves at Taco Cabana for dinner. Now, I'm a big fan of Taco C, but the people there never cease to amaze / entertain / scare the living crap out of / surprise me. Depends on the day. And last night was no exception.

Inside was freezing so we decided to sit on the small patio. J went inside to wait on the food, while I absentmindly began wiping dried guacamole off the table. Two young ladies -- maybe in their mid twenties -- were sitting at the next table. One had a boy about seven, the other had a baby in a carrier. I tried to drown out the boy's shouting by staring at the passing cars.

I heard one lady say something about feeding the baby. A few moments later I happened to look over, and noticed she was holding the baby against her with one arm and eating queso with the other. It took me a minute to realize that she wasn't holding a bottle for baby. She was breastfeeding. With no blanket. On the patio. While people were eating at tables all around them.

I must have had a sour look on my face when J came outside with the food. Thankfully, he blocked my view. I just couldn't believe it -- breastfeeding in a restaurant?? Sure, we were at a fast-food joint, but still. Have a little respect for those dining around you. Use a bottle, feed in the car, at least don't sit facing the door to the inside where everyone can see you.

Am I wrong to be disgusted?

Why Dell Is Dead to Me

So this blog is starting to aggravate me a smidge.  Seems I can't get the background off completely, so -- for now -- I suppose it'll remain a hodgepodge of stuff.  Not that I update this thing much anymore, anyway.  But hopefully that'll change now that I have a new, more reliable computer.

You may remember the "Dear John" letter I wrote to my Dell awhile back.  Well, after losing EVERYTHING -- work, photos, music -- on it a few weeks ago, I lost my mind.  I called Dell to no avail.  They treated me like complete pond scum since my warranty had already expired.  The guy said I had to pay $129 to be transferred to technical support.  I said this has been an on-going issue that has never been resolved over the million times I called while it was under warranty, and that I didn't feel like I should have to pay.  He was a dick.  "I get callers like you all the time who don't want to pay."  I couldn't believe he said that to me. I explained that I didn't mind paying once the computer was fixed.  He was rude and obnoxious.  I asked to speak to his manager.  He freaked and said he didn't have the authority to transfer me and that I had to pay him right now or he would hang up.  I lost it.  Words flew out of my mouth before I knew what I was even saying.  By the time I hung up, I was shaking.  And my computer was still broken.

An hour later I called back.  Thankfully I got another guy who said he could knock it down to 50 bucks.  Twenty minutes later, I gave up and coughed up the $50 just so I could talk to technical support.  After three freakin' hours on the phone with India, we came to the conclusion that: (a) I was sold a 1GB memory when it takes 2GB just to run Vista alone, (b) a driver on my computer was corrupted from the time I took it out of the box.  

Why they didn't discover either of these while my computer was still under warranty is a little fishy yet not surprising.  The guy tried to reinstall the driver directly from Dell's site, yet it wasn't compatible.  Then he laughed, said there was nothing else he could do, and referred me to someone else.  He said if the next guy couldn't fix it, then I could send my computer in and pay to have it redone.  I was beyond livid and to the point of tears.  I was already behind at work because my Dell kept crashing, then I lost it all anyway and had to restart all my stupid projects.  Just to have it crash AGAIN and lose it all once more.

I politely thanked him for his "help", said I wasn't about to sink another freakin' dime into Dell, hung up and grabbed my car keys.  My palms were sweaty as I gripped the steering wheel, driving 15 miles too fast down the tollway.  I whipped into the Willowbend mall parking lot.  The store clerks at Neimans took a step back as I hurriedly walked past them, my hands balled into fists at my side.  

And there is was, the dim glow of the Apple store.  I didn't hesitate as I walked in.  Five minutes later, a young guy in an azure blue t-shirt and Puma sneakers was mending the pieces of my lost mind.  It was soooo refreshing to talk to someone who was passionate about the product.  Who actually listened to what I was saying.  Who didn't try to sell me things I wouldn't need.

An hour later, I waltzed out of there with a new MacBook Pro, a new wireless printer, a three-year warranty and a head full of knowledge.  There's just something to be said for great customer service.  And if I have a problem?  I can just take it back to the store and talk to a real person.  

Imagine that.

The Paint

So I guess my comeback wasn't really one at all. Ohwell. As for the bedroom, it's (nearly) complete.

I made the mistake of waiting until the day before J came home to start. I had the *perfect* color sample from the paint store. I found the *perfect* bedding at Homegoods for such a bargain. I cleaned out the bedroom and even managed to clear out the ginormous furniture, and finally started painting around midnight.

At two in the morning, I was in tears. The color was SO not the same color as the small sample I had tested on the wall. What was supposed to be an organic brown dried into a stone grey. And the bedding? Metallic blue.

I gave up around 4, with half the room painted and half of my sanity left. I managed to arrange the furniture how I wanted -- making the room look bigger -- and passed out on the couch.

I didn't alert J to the fact that I'd been up to something when I picked him up at the airport. He didn't notice the dried paint in my hair while we ate lunch. When we got to the house, he didn't notice the cans of paint sitting in the dining room. I let him walk into the bedroom first.

"Wow, you rearranged the furniture! That looks great, babe," he said, throwing his bulky suitcase in the corner. I sat on the bed, waiting patiently. A few minutes later, "Oh WOW, and you painted!"

Gee. I would think stone grey would be easy to notice. But at least he helped me finish the next day -- and I had 2 gallons left over. Surprisingly, he loves the color. Me? Eh, it'll do for now.

I'm Back ... With a Bedroom Makeover

"If bad decorating was a hanging offense, there'd be bodies hanging from every tree." ~ Sylvester Stallone

Well, it only took a few months, but I finally figured out how to clean up my blog. And now it's too clean. Talk about "dullsville"! *Sigh* Ohwell. Guess I can mess with it later.

J's out of town for the week, so I thought this would be the perfect time to start blogging again. Too much free time is not a good thing -- I think I ate just about everything I could get my hands on last night. Easy to do when you're sucked into hours of HGTV.

We're in the process of trying to pick out paint colors for the house -- which has been such a headache. It seemed easier in our old house, maybe because it was smaller. Or maybe because I knew what colors I wanted and just went for it. This house is just being difficult, and the asylum white walls are driving me insane. Every. Single. Wall. Is. White.

So we initially began trying to pick a neutral to paint everything. But after multiple trips to the paint store and back -- and after getting scolded for turning our dining room wall into a polka-dot fest -- I've temporarily given up.

But I had what I thought was a great idea. While J's away, I could do our bedroom as a surprise. It is definitely in need of some TLC ... and a match. Between our old furniture, the smelly dogs and the cat I can't keep off anything, that room is about on the same level as our garage.

At some point in the near future we want to get new furniture. But for now, paint, new bedding, curtains and a vacuum would do wonders. We soo need to reclaim that space and make it a relaxing retreat that we look forward to at the end of a long day.

And I thought I could handle it. Why is this bedroom soo much harder? I figured if I found awesome bedding, then I could easily match paint. But, of course, now that I'm actually looking for it, I can't seem to find any bedding that just melts my heart. I love fluffy white down bedding, but with a black cat and a husband who eats in the bed, I'm guessing darker is the way to go.

I've looked at Target, Kohls, Hemispheres, Linens & Things ... I may head to the mall tomorrow to peek in Restoration Hardware. Other suggestions on where to go? I was hoping to not spend a fortune, but at this point I don't really care. Only two days left to pull this off!

Simply Under Construction

I think there's something to be said for simplicity. In life, in love, in blogs. Which is why over the next few days my blog will be going through some changes as I try to strip it back down to the bare bones. Which I thought would be a simple task when I started, yet for some reason my current template doesn't want to leave me. So please, excuse the mess! I shall be back to blogging here soon ... good for me, probably not so great for you :-).

Biggest Whiner

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.” ~ Anthony J. D'Angelo

Guess it's been a few weeks since my last post. The ice is starting to come down outside, the quiet tapping on the windows lulling me to go to sleep.

J's upstairs watching some import car show. You might think it sounds halfway entertaining, but it is so completely ghetto. I must say that I don't get the whole drifting bit at all. But whatever.

For you Biggest Loser fans, I must admit I did shed some tears tonight. It really is amazing what these people are going through, the families they've left back home, how hard it must be to confront their own reality. I won't spoil anything for those of you who haven't watched yet, but it truly sheds some perspective on my own whining.

When I don't feel like getting up to run, or feel like eating breakfast, or when I think "5 cookies won't set me back any," I need to take a giant leap back and think about my goals. What do I want? Cookies or to run a marathon? The answer should be clear. And it baffles me sometimes when it's not.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some cookies and will always splurge. But today? I've sat on my butt in my sweatpants, eating pizza and cookies, using the weather outside as an excuse. And it's a pretty bad one considering the number of workout DVDs I own or the weight machine upstairs. Treats should be treats. Otherwise, they lose their glamour and become tokens of remorse.

And treats should never be remorseful. *Trading in my glass of soda for water.* I have 65 days until my marathon, and I need to stop whining and start focusing on my goals.

Thanks for letting me vent :-).

Case of the Bulge

“A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.” ~ Lillian Day

I'm curled in my chair upstairs with a super warm Restoration Hardware blanket and my fuzzy slippers, trying to keep warm. One thing we've discovered about our new house is that it stays about as warm as a glacier in the Arctic Ocean, especially when it's 30 degrees outside like it is right now.

So J and I have been spending as much time upstairs as possible, following the whole "heat rises" theory. Mom even stocked us up on flannel sheets and fuzzy pjs for Christmas. Wonder if I can pawn those to help pay the gas bill?

I'm kind of dreading my Team run tomorrow night -- hopefully the wind and freezing rain will hold off for an hour. At least my Team run last Saturday was warm. And it had a slightly humorous start.

When the alarm went off at 5:45, I rolled out of bed, groggily made my way to the dryer to pull out some clean running pants, quickly dressed in the dark and hit the road. Hungry, I decided to stop at a gas station to get a Powerbar and some water.

As I was walking in the door I felt a bulge on my lower left leg. Irritated, I kept shaking my leg as I made my way to the Powerbars. I finally looked down to see a soft bulge sticking through my pant leg. What the hell? I grabbed a couple bottles of water and turned towards the front of the small store. Hands full of fake chocolate bars and bottled water, I gave my leg a final shake. And out flew a bright purple thong.

I guess it had gotten caught in my pant leg during the tumble in the dryer. I quickly sprang for the thong and -- not having any pockets or a purse -- relentlessly began shoving it back up my pant leg while trying to juggle my purchases. I caught the stare of the store clerk as I made my way to checkout. Judging by the size of her grin, I'm sure she was trying to decide whether I was a street hooker or just starting my walk of shame.

Blushing, I didn't bother to explain -- my mismatched outfit and raccoon eyes were sure to betray the truth. The plus side? At least I didn't have to dig for clean undies when I got home!

Cheers to a New Year

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." ~ James Agate

Well, folks, it's 2009. A new year, a new post and, of course, new resolutions. Despite my best efforts to talk J into driving to Shreveport last night -- I enjoy a little spontaneity; J, however, cringes -- we opted for a quiet dinner out on the town square, followed by a rampage through nearby neighborhoods to take photos with strangers' lawn decorations.

Not really sure who came up with the idea, but we now have a dozen or so photos of us with random lighted snowmen and blow-up Santas. We did exert a smidge of class: Nativity scenes and angels were off limits. For future reference, New Years Eve isn't the best night for this kind of behavior as several of the houses were in the midst of NYE parties ...

Moving along to resolutions. I think it's fun to set goals for yourself and think about new opportunities for a fresh year. Let's see how many I can actually accomplish:

1. Stick to my running schedule. My marathon is three months away -- I need to kick the laziness to the curb and train harder.
2. Drink more water. That means cutting out the 5 diet sodas I drink every day that my doc says is the root of my continuous belly ache.
3. Get out of debt. This should actually be number one for '09, but it's the least fun, I think. But, if we stay on track, we should be in good position by summer.
4. Travel. Travel. Travel. But, just depends on how 3 goes. Puerto Rico may be in the works for early this year, and we definitely want to go snowboarding.
5. De-clutter! This goes for the closets, the garage and life in general.
6. Stretch my brain. Never stop learning or cease to grow -- it's the key to longevity.
7. Create new adventures. I spend more time worrying and over-thinking when I could be experiencing something new and amazing. Just get out there and do it -- worry about the bruises later.
8. Spend more time with the ones that keep me grounded. Make time for happy hours, pokeno nights, late-night chats, laughter, tears and everything in between.
9. Volunteer. That goes for my time, my things, my mind. Team-In-Training has been one of the most amazing things I've done, and I hope to stick with them for years to come.
10. Did someone say "baby"? Yeah, so I think this is the year we'll start trying. After my marathon, of course!

Other than that, I just want to "keep on keepin' on" (come on, from Joe Dirt). Anyway, I hope everyone has a blessed 2009. It'll only be as good as you allow it to be!