Floundering

I preface this blog with this statement: I love my hubby. Without question.

I heard through the grapevine today that an old flame of mine is leaving for a 7-month tour in the military. I won't get into too many specifics to help protect all involved. What it boils down to is that when I heard the news, my stomach began to churn. It's still in knots, hours later. I've tried to convince myself that they're knots of concern, but I'm floundering in a sea of doubt.

Right now I sit before this computer, listening to the sound of rolling thunder. Hubby is working on his computer in the other room. And I sit here. Alone. Wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I cannot be having these thoughts. And yet I wonder if he ever thinks about me ...

It would have never worked out for the long run. I am happy with my life and marriage. But good byes were left unsaid, and if something were to happen ...